I haven’t really blogged for a while. Well actually since Valentine’s Day. The school shooting that occurred in S. Florida shook me to my core. It was horrible and to see it daily on the news and social media literally burned my soul. I didn’t know what to tell my kids and I didn’t know why I was taking it so hard. After a few weeks I realized that it wasn’t just the shooting, it was all of the events and drama that seem to be piling up in the world we live in.
As mothers we carry a load that only a mom really knows about. We are not just caretakers some of us really do carry way to much of the load. I felt heavy and well very emotional. This isn’t the kind of world I thought my kids would grow up in. Heck, I didn’t even think me at 39 would be experiencing some of this stuff. But it is here and it seems like it’s happening on a daily basis. I am a planner, I always come up with a plan or strategy to get things done or a way to handle tough situations but for a month I have been stuck.
So I kept picking up books and reading inspirational quotes and stuff. I looked for people to blame for what I was feeling but none of that seem to work either. Then one day I accepted my true feelings for what they were. Anger. Built up anger. I was angry that I was not in control. No matter how hard we try as parents our kids will be exposed to the craziness in the world. And life will throw things at us that are totally out of our control.
I reached out to my closest friends only to discover that they too where going through hard stuff. So what do you do? Do you throw in the towel and sink in your own mess or do you make a plan and keep it moving. I always make a plan but sometimes it is hard to keep moving when you can’t see where you are going. That is where God steps in. I had to renew my faith and accept that this phase of my life is part of God’s plan. I had to look at my bible in a different way and reach back out to my friends who may have needed that reminder as well.
So this post is for you moms that may be feeling a little down and out. Know that you are not alone and there are lots of moms that are feeling exactly what you are feeling at this very moment. I am here to remind you to rest but don’t quit. Take a trip to the beach. Call your tribe of moms and have a night out on the town. Maybe head out to Sephora and buy a new tube of lipstick or a new pair of heels. Whatever you do to hype yourself up. I like to look at old pictures from 10 years ago and it reminded me of how far God has brought me and that He has never left my side. Sending you lots of love and light!
XO,
Sharonda
Whewww. You just hit an emotional nerve with me. So much of what I’ve been feeling for some time now. I blamed myself for my brother’s death – both of them. I was their mom; always took care of them. And I wasn’t there when they needed me. I’ve been holding so much in for so long that I sometimes think I’m wearing a mask. No one knows what you’re feeling if you put on a new outfit or a new wig right? But only you still feel the pain. If it had not been for God’s promises in my head continuously, I wouldn’t be here telling this story; I’m grateful for those like you who speak up and share their pain so that I can get through mine. Thank you.
Wow! What a testimony but God is good and he will continue to see us through it all. XOXO